June 2016
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10/11/05 12:07 am
dressing in gold

最後まで 秋夕焼けは 金を着る
saigo made aki yuuyake wa kin o kiru
autumn sunset, dressing in gold till its end.
I need to say that by "saigo made" I was meant here to make my line sound as its italian equivalent "fino all'ultimo"...unfortunately, the english expression can sound sort of a multi-purpose line (end of the gold, end of the whole autumn, and so on) - I just meant to say "till the last minute".
about one week after, the nice and kind correction (he called it a "remake") comes from sakuo先生, back from his journey to Issa's country...here you are:
最後まで 秋の夕焼け 黄金着て
saigo made aki no yuuyake kogane kite
Current Music: slow waves, quietly breathing
2005-10-11 03:32 am (UTC)
Beautiful sunset!
(wears gold, or weared in gold, I would say ?)
2005-10-11 08:23 am (UTC)
thanks, origa様...yes, I knew I should make use of that past tense, but I liked better to "underline" with that present the endless, continuous "updating" of autumn's dressing its gold - always renewed in sensations and colours, differently glooming by the minutes, till its last hide before the night darkness... かもめ
2005-10-11 09:03 am (UTC)
Dear Kamome san, I understand your point about the instantaneous moment. My point is about grammar ... :) "dressing in gold" is fine, but "wears in gold" is not. You could use "wears gold", "wearing gold" -- it would convey the meaning you want ...
2005-10-11 05:02 pm (UTC)
oh...now I see what you mean - ok, let's go do it the soonest!
2005-10-11 08:52 pm (UTC)
Then in the past tense it woul dbe "worn" [not "weared"].... Amazing photo ~P
2005-10-11 11:02 pm (UTC)
Of course! :)))) Still having accent ... :)))
2005-10-11 02:51 pm (UTC)
Magnificto Imago! Another invented word! LOL
Spectacular sunset!!!
the evening sun illuminates the ripples of the flowing sea
Indeed! You are blessed with such spectacular scenes.
2005-10-11 05:16 pm (UTC)
Re: Magnificto Imago! Another invented word! LOL
thanks for the usually too good compliment...but tell me, wick様 - not all that "invented", you sound to have some familiarity with good latin, don't you?
2005-10-11 03:15 pm (UTC)
Wowwww! And the haiku is good too.
2005-10-11 05:16 pm (UTC)
2005-10-11 08:53 pm (UTC)
Yes, I agree...~P
Sunset, remains unseen: misty sky.
2005-10-11 09:16 pm (UTC)
thanks, choshi様...I like that "unseen", but for one maybe contrary reason: in my imagination following your 3 lines, your sunset wasn't SEEN not because of even such an evident mist (and so MYSTIC, also!) but because it was more than all FELT.
2005-10-12 11:47 am (UTC)
Ahhh! Indeed, felt deeply....
So sad, how many people live in a "psychic mist" and never see the wonders of the dawn as they travel with their heads buried deeply in their newspapers....~P
2005-10-14 05:39 pm (UTC)
I agree...and maybe it was only newspapers, choshi様! I've lived in countries like the ones I'm going to mention, and that you will immediately understand - and even having seen by my own eyes some realities, even having splendid friends in such areas, I do so often ask myself "but what do they do for living, how do they earn the needed for eating, making love, growing sons, loving their mates?" every time I happen to see on some TV report thousands people holding guns and running the streets - just there, where the daily constant shining sun should only suggest them "hey, breath deep, get warm, be alive!"...
2005-10-17 12:17 am (UTC)
a little remake
尽きるまで 秋夕焼けは 黄金着て
tsukiru made aki yuuyake wa kogane kite
Wonderful image you have ! I felt very fresh sence at your haiku.
[tsukiru] means burn out of sun set and means the end of life.
[kin ] is too hard and physical. [kite]instead of [kiru] is more movable. [kiru] is [to end the motion],[kite]is [and do something].
It's just my thought.つまらない考えです。気にしないでください。
sakuo
2005-10-17 10:17 am (UTC)
Re: a little remake
いいえ・・・むしろ、非常にどうも有り難うございました! この野暮生徒は本当に怒らなかった、先生! お賛辞も、有難う。 こんな少し日本語は、 御世話に成りました・・・。 ...and many thanks indeed for your precious "sense" suggestions: I can't change the image now, but I'm adding Your ku to my entry in a visible line, as I usually do with corrections. thanks again, and welcome once more! かもめ
2005-10-17 11:15 am (UTC)
Re: a little remake
最後まで 秋の夕焼け 黄金着て
I change mind. I take your first line「saigo made] Here is second version.
in Roma-ji
saigo made aki no yuuyake kogane kite
I think this is fresh , and good.
sakuo.
2005-10-17 04:49 pm (UTC)
Re: a little remake
thank you once again, sakuo先生...well, I admit that I too liked this 「最後まで・saigo made」: as you said it sounds "fresh", athough maybe childishly or too commonly said...but! :D かもめ
2005-10-18 11:59 am (UTC)
Re: a little remake
「尽きるまで」is smart, but 「最後まで」is simple and common but strong. I like the falling sun is resisting to fall down to horizon that should be death line. [[ Till I die ]]
sakuo.
2005-10-26 03:59 am (UTC)
What a sunset! Haiku and image make a powerful statement. Having read the thread I couldn't help to remember the ancient cosmogony underlying the "Little Redhood" fairy tale...
2005-10-26 05:50 pm (UTC)
eh eh...who's gonna play the Wolf character here?... ;P
2005-10-26 11:05 pm (UTC)
The Night! Red Hood is a chtonic being from the underworld, or - she personifies the Sun. The whole story describes death\life cycle. Something like that I read long ago.
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