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yorukamome
yorukamome
..:.:::.::

June 2016
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yorukamome [userpic]
caresses

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夏毎晩 
愛撫せられる 
ばら風に 

natsu maiban
aibaserareru
bara kaze ni

each summer night, a rose allows the breeze to caress her

once again nicely kindest corrections suddenly come from Zumi Sensei, Whose so useful suggestions I will
now follow, to essay and give a final form to this nighty windy thought - well, by cunningly applying what
I feel as a too "western", too "latin-moody" small writing trick: just two pretty, sweet commas...

夏は、夜毎
愛撫せらるる
薔薇、風に

natsu ha, yogoto
aibuseraruru
bara, kaze ni

(in such a lexical position, Sensei underlines how the first comma wouldn't even be necessary...but truly I DO like
SO much this new rythm in my haiku!, these two pauses giving me now a real idea of the rose's mischievous,
"suspended" expectation...oh,is breeze coming again, will it touch me once more tonight?)

Current Music: far on the cliff, there's a mermaid singing
Comments

I thought flowers are not open at night... Or it is about white nights?
And where is the haiku-moment?

Ecxuse me if my last question (where is haiku-moment here) seems too harsh - I stay only at the begining of my journey into the world of haiku - thats why I say what I think and ask about what I don't understand.
I hope you are not pity about those my words?

be and feel always welcome, taisha sama...and please do NEVER
concern in saying whatever your thought can be about my little things.
I myself often go through big doubts and rewritings, as you can see
lots times above, because of my poor japanese, and the continuous attempt
to reach a "perfect" equilibre [form/meaning] in a haiku...
I have right now answered a mail of my precious sensei, Zumi sama, about
the grammar tenses form I made use of herein ALL (mine were, obviously, uncorrect, ouch!) and I was right now entering LJ to try and modify them in some way them - a too big work for my "know-how", UGH!...
I suppose that you were referring, by your "haiku-moment", to what is called the "kigou", the keyword saying season and time: well, it is NATSU, summer, but it also can be found in KAZE, which is the common name for every wind, so that mixing kaze with natsu would mean the summer breeze...
it is me instead who needs to apologise for the misunderstanding: when saying "serious poetry-like" I just meant to underline that the haiku is NOT at all a "poetry expression" as it is conceived in western general mind and meaning, and that a haijin ("like me"?!?...blush blush!) is NOT really what we use to call a POET – so that I do always find my "western" tryings too goof, non-musical,
"inelegant" in one word, and I shouldn't bother people that way...
...please come again, whenever you like, sit and have tea and free thoughts and heart in this watery, wingy garden on the seacliffs…

[ps: mmmmmh...let's ask the summer nightbreeze itself, taisha,
how can it make flowers spread through the dark by such
a simple touch, by such a whispered love refrain...]

Thank you for such detailed, expressive and warm answer :) I'll be.
...Not long ago I began to learn Japan, a little, myself... I hope I can read your haiku on japan after some time.

well, tay sama...I hope I can WRITE them, one day!, LOL...and I, too, study myself, on the web, a couple of hours at night when I can - I was lucky to meet Sensei and excellent helpful friends on a site ( www.nippon.it ) but time is little to dedicate at my best - hope to grow better by the time!

How come I missed this message?

This rose is so beautiful I envy the photographer. If there is an ideal rose in the world, this must be it. So delicate and fragile, you can almost see through its petals. I can almost feel the fragrance, cold like moonlight.

Also, you make me want to start learning Japanese. I like the way it sounds. Actually, I started learning it a couple of years ago, but did not really have time (or commitment). But now once again I feel it must be great to be able to read poetry in Japanese...

もう一度、ようこそ、mushuk 様 - welcome, once again.
you didn't miss anything, the rose called you here...
...I too envy him, and need to thank this man as well
for such a beauty - yes, I felt the same as you say:
it is exactely the "cold flower awaiting for warmth"
of a summer breeze to soften its (her?) so spicy cold
scent, unbelievable in such a delicate, fragile silk...

I agree, japanese is fascinating: I myself am following today,
through my (ahehemm...) "later years", the strong passion
I have been running after all my life long - I too haven't
much time, neither am I skilled as you all friends seem to
consider me...but the satisfaction in trying and DO is great,
you're absolutely right.

I wait for you again and more: so nice to see you here!