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yorukamome
yorukamome
..:.:::.::

June 2016
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yorukamome [userpic]
rain colours

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雨の色
緑の岩に
霞中
蛍袋は
一本笑うや

ame no iro ・ midori no iwa ni ・ kasumi naka ・ hotarubukuro ha ・ ippon warau ya

rain colours - on the green rock, through the mist, a lone campanula smiles

I have right now corrected and re-made the folio, with the two kanji I had previously missed by hurry:
now I know at least that the grammar sequence is not wrong...I'm just glad I have written this waka
after a moment of little, silent, but pure and real joy: I was driving under a true flood along the
coast this morn, and in a short pause of that hard pouring rain I stopped to have a breath of my
beloved sea scent...when I turned back to my car, I saw this campanula - only one - laying like a
queen on its throne, "her" greengrey rocky pillow...the only smile, through that too wet, too sad,
too wintery mood.

Current Music: libeccio wind
Comments

I do not know much about waka, but it somehow does not sound like a waka to me. It sounds more like a haiku (which I like). And the moment itself... is a bit haiku-like, innit?

it's a classical five lines composition, rhytmed on a 5/7/5/7/7
syllables metrics, previously practiced far more than haiku, but
survived as well - and often usefully nice to my ears...maybe I'm
still too "latin" somewhere into my being, as I need more words to
say myself (but I can't go too far from "haiku-like" sounding, ne!):
very nice reading are the splendid "100 waka" about the "cha no yu"
(the tea ceremony) written by Sen No Rikyu Sensei (1522/1591).

So very beautiful strokes of poetry!

I had to look up a photo of "donna fine" (fine lady) Campanula. She is very lovely! This photo even has droplets from your beloved sea :)

I see that in the Japanese translation, there are 5 lines as in a waka, but the English translation only has four?

Thank you for sharing!

Warm hug,
b'oki.

well, bette dear, I just followed my own "rythm-&-sense",
as I use to do when translating any poetry (the hardest
task one can face!) possibly according to a fluent spoken
speech...you know, I hate metrics in western languages - or,
better said - it must be Dante's, or Shakespeare's or alike...
by the way, I haven't understood the meaning of your "donna
fine" - there's lots I don't know about bellflowers! ;D

my favarit seashore

kamome san,
I have returned from the buddhist seminar.

Here i met nice waka and wonderful syodou.

Inspired, I made haiku.

samayoe ba ame ni tatazumu kikyou kana
彷徨えば 雨にたたずむ 桔梗かな

wondering...
standing alone in rain
bellflower

sakuo.

Re: my favarit seashore

PS: and what a nice haiku, sensei...oh, nihonjin always
make me feel very WESTERNLY EXAGGERATED SPEAKER, too
many words where you only said that Beauty in so few!

I suppose my replies to be listed one after the previous
one I wrote this morning, I'm home now...
(:D

Nice poetry, Kamome san. I can easily visualize that little brave campanula. Thank you for showing it in such a splendid way.

...too good words for me and my "brave" blueviolet little queen...

(;P

I am illiterate in Japanese, so I do not know how to answer the question of "right or wrong" But, your poem is lovely and captures the mood of impermanence beautifully and poignantly.

~P

ようこそ、choshi 様...the "right or wrong" was just
about my grammar - I feel illiterate far more than
you do about nihongo, my friend! - but I need to say
(and this time I dare say it myself) that there's a
nice "japanese air" in my little waka...obviously,
thanks to that sweet precious campanula, ね!

夜かもめ。

rain colours - on the green rock, through the mist, a lone campanula smiles


Ah. Refreshing!


there's always a tinge of sadness in your poetry. a missing of something. a void in your heart and for a brief moment nature fills that emptiness.

...a perfect photograph of this funny man joking
with words and colours, my dearest wick 様...my
LJ friends begin to know me far more and better
than every other people I've ever met in my life!

you know, I understand nothing in hieroglyphics... but the image is so very nice and tender... :)

loneliness...
who could share it
in front of moon
withering little flower
on the sea rock

mmmmmh....lovely reply, allina - yes, I knew
you would like that bellflower as well as I!

I never knew that "hotarubukuro" meant campanula! What a pretty name.

Would you consider posting your waka on just_tanka ? It doesn't get much traffic, but the lovely thing about it, as a community, is that people respond in tanka!

神無し月
雨の衣に
世の中の
色あざやかや
なぜかくすらむ

Kannazuki
Ame no koromo ni
Yo no naka no
Iro azayaka ya
Naze kakusu ramu

October-
Why do you hide
the bright colors of the world
Behind a robe of rain?

(I'm afraid it's a perfectly dreadful tanka--I have tried to use classical locutions, but I'm not sure i'm remembering them correctly... and it's kind of forced... but sometimes it's nice to see if you can make yourself write a tanka quickly like this, in response--it's fun to do, too.)

well...never considered the idea of joining one of these
LJ "communities", so I will need help to do, LOL! but
thanks for the kindest invitation, although I actually
like best haiku...and occasionally waka, which I happen
to write after friends' poetries...you know, waka sounds
to me not allowing to "response", I think it is - how shall
I say? - a more CONCLUDED, UNIQUE sort of composition, very
similar to haiku...but thanks for the kindest invitation and
for the INPUT: I'm gonna try, just allow me the time to wear
my tabi and realise I'm home at last, after such a hardest
day off to work etc etc...here I come, next reply herein!

sai che non riesco a mandarti mail on gabbiano_fl@alice.it??? mi tornano indietro le lettere... allora te la posto qui la mia ultima mail, pero il file che volevo inviarti, come facciamo? hai un altro indirizo? e che c-zzo sta succedendo???

allora la lettera: (e tu hai ricevuto quella che ti ho scritto giovedi?

dove sono le mie lettere, hein?)))))
e dimmi finalmente, non ho mai capito, se tu hai ricevuto il mio regalino da Mosca??????

sono CONTENTISSIMA per te!!! ho visto la lettera da Simply Haiku!!! tu sei veramente uno che lo merita - un grande artista...benedetto il giorno dove ti ho incontrato!)))



lo so che sei straimpegnato..ma forse mi potrai aiutare un po? pensavo di fare un piccolo libretto di tanka, solamente 15 pezzi, in una casa editrice italiana che fa piccoli libretini di 15 pezzi...ho scelto allora i tanka, ne abbiamo tradotto piu della meta con Andrea, ma il lavoro non procede piu((( tu potresti rivedere la ns. traduzione, magari hai qualche correzione o suggestione da fare? quello non tradotto, ci penseremo ancora, ma io vorrei sapere la tua opinione generale anche - sulla mia scelta,etc...e di tutto questo, forse mi penso una stupidaggine...
ti alleggo il file, guardalo quando avrai il tempo! .
tanti bacioni

La Tisana (LOL)



je viens de POSTER quelques lignes pour tous vous, et tu
peux y trouver mon addresse, au cas où tu pensais m'envoyer
des choses "phisiques" auxquelles collaborer - je t'écris
ici mes autres @boxes, mais sache que mon @ "alice" marche
absolument mieux que toutes celles-ci:

gabbiano_fl@libero.it
mouette@libero.it
gabbiano_fer@hotmail.com