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yorukamome
yorukamome
..:.:::.::

June 2016
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yorukamome [userpic]
the hand and the moon

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月の前
素朴な少女
素手を立って

tsuki no mae
soboku na shoujo
sude wo tatte

facing the moon, the simple girl raises a bare hand

I suppose many corrections to be needed in this piece...mostly because
of that SUDE ("bare hand") whose meaning I believe to be the same as
in other languages, "doing sthg with no use of helping objects/weapons"
and so on...but I liked so much the image of this young maid (SOBOKU NA
does actually mean "with no make up, clean-faced, naïf") naïvely raising
her fragile white hand as to try a caress to the clean moon...that's why
I also tried a very simple (and hopefully clean as well) 書道 folio.

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I'm honoured to guest in one of my posts a nice version by sakuo先生;
the "romaji" transcription is mine, and I only can hope it is correct:

月に向き
少女無邪気に
手を振りぬ

tsuki ni muki
shoujo mujaki ni
te o furi nu

to the moon
a girl swings her hand
innocently

Current Music: manlio/oliviero, "'nu quarto 'e luna"
Comments

late autumn - trough bare branches brighter are the stars

...what a brightly shining Star appears, twinkleing
at me through these naked trees her naked thoughts...

(eh eh eh ;P I sometimes like to give back teases)

why ?

何故、少女は素手を立てるのですか?
月に何かを伝えようとしているのですか?

I don't understand。

sakuo                                 

Re: why ?

well I'm at work now, sakuo先生, so that I have no
books dictionary etc. here - but I suppose I can
understand the question, "why should the little
girl"...it comes from last evening, I was out along
the seashore, trying to get some photographs of the
moon, and this lonely and sweetly smiling little
girl with a SO clean face and glance was sitting on
a step taking down to the beach...she suddenly looked
up and raised a white sweet hand at the moon, just as
if she wanted to caress...
I can't say much more...I'll translate your lines as
soon as I'm home, to understand better,
かもめ。

Re: why ? continued..

This is the part which I couldn't understand.
"a little girl was sitting on a step.
she suddenly looked up and raised her hand at the moon, just as
if she wanted to caress..."

Getting your dictionary,please let me know.

sakuo.

Re: why ? continued..

そうです、今も仕事にですので、悪い翻訳を
している、中付先生・・・。
本当に、私も少女の「motion」を分かなかった、
多分彼女は甘い考えを思っていました。
いずれにせよ (I hope here it's a correct
use of this expression, as I'm again
stealing a short breaktime at work to
read my mails and answer) 娘は大変綺麗
だったよ! I suppose, sort of a mental
joke with herself, a fairy tale she was
building in her cleanest mind...who knows?
かもめ。

如何?

月に向き
少女無邪気に
手を振りぬ

to the moon
a girl swings her hand
innocently

sakuo

Ps a-ya san's comment is very helpfull.

Re: 如何?

どうも有り難うございます、中付先生。
先生の版をとても好きです、直ぐに私のポストにこの句を付け加えります。
a-ya様のコメントを読もうとしたところに電話をくれられました。
今は、もう一度読むつもりです。
どうぞ、romaji transcription を間違ったら直して下さい。
かもめ。

Re: 如何?

oh, NOW I understand your comment about a-ya様 reply,
中付先生...I have just re-read it and your previous one,
and NOW I can see the sequence...you know, the line of
a speech can easily go lost when it happens through mails:
ちょっとすみません!

I'm not strong in english. & japan too...
but I feel something very delicate, very tender in your words... and image - it's great!

thank you, aya様...but not my words: that girl,
was tender (right said!) and SO delicate...

girls...
they're such ones :)

...and who could say better than I, better than
NOW, with SUCH A ONE under my charmed eyes?...

The moon is outstanding. It looks so close you really want to touch it. Beautiful!
Those proverbial monkeys also came to my mind...

I agree, valeria様...there was something so
"firmly moodless" in all this, and in the same
time so "deepening" as well - even the girl's
motion, so sudden and unexpected, gave me
such a sense of "no-meaning-needed"...

Roma-ji OK desu

kamome san,
ローマ字大丈夫です。

中付先生より。(中村先生の親戚の方??)

どうも有難うございました、中付先生。
今は忙しくので、またreplyを書きます。
かもめ

日本の文字

中付先生。 は 村mura が 付きtuki になっています。
Please take care for your writing Kan-Ji.

sakuo.

oh, sorry, sakuo先生...the Microsoft IME system
often gives birth to such mistakes, but it's
my fault not to check what I had written
before posting it....御免なさい、中村様。

Don't mind !

村 and 付き are very similar.
It's only one vertial bar.
気にしないで下さい。

sakuo。

Dear Kamome-sama, I think 7-5-3 principle is the most important code for understanding how Japanese art is different from all the rest. What do you think?
Why this photo looks as a Japanese one to me... Because of the proportion in between the three players here - trees - 7, sky - 5. and the Moon - 3. The last player is actually even smaller, but it is in the focal position which gives it a lot of "WEIGHT". Sometimes some airy plant in the picture can take more space, but because it is so airy as compared to the solidity of a mountain rock or a house, it can be considered 3.

thanks for such a compliment, my dear - "this photo
looks as a Japanese one to me"...as for the 5/7/3
measures, please have a look to my reply, it's posted
after your comment on my next page with the iris haiku.

What a fascinating image, and the most interesting dispute is here! I know I can always find something to learn on your page, Kamome, even if I can't understand everything.

This enchanted forest... it reminds me of Coleridge's images.

oh, this one's a very interesting comment, dear!
I suppose you're right, you remembered me some of
Coleridge's verses, when I read your reply: thanks!