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yorukamome
yorukamome
..:.:::.::

June 2016
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yorukamome [userpic]
dressing in gold

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

最後まで 
秋夕焼けは 
金を着る 

saigo made
aki yuuyake wa
kin o kiru

autumn sunset, dressing in gold till its end.

I need to say that by "saigo made" I was meant here to make my line sound
as its italian equivalent "fino all'ultimo"...unfortunately, the english expression
can sound sort of a multi-purpose line (end of the gold, end of the whole autumn,
and so on) - I just meant to say "till the last minute".

about one week after, the nice and kind correction (he called it a "remake")
comes from sakuo先生, back from his journey to Issa's country...here you are:

最後まで
秋の夕焼け
黄金着て

saigo made
aki no yuuyake
kogane kite

Current Music: slow waves, quietly breathing
Comments

Beautiful sunset!

(wears gold, or weared in gold, I would say ?)

thanks, origa様...yes, I knew I should make
use of that past tense, but I liked better
to "underline" with that present the endless,
continuous "updating" of autumn's dressing its
gold - always renewed in sensations and colours,
differently glooming by the minutes, till its
last hide before the night darkness... 
かもめ

Dear Kamome san, I understand your point about the instantaneous moment. My point is about grammar ... :) "dressing in gold" is fine, but "wears in gold" is not. You could use "wears gold", "wearing gold" -- it would convey the meaning you want ...

oh...now I see what you mean - ok, let's go do it the soonest!

Then in the past tense it woul dbe "worn" [not "weared"].... Amazing photo ~P

Of course! :)))) Still having accent ... :)))

Magnificto Imago! Another invented word! LOL

Spectacular sunset!!!

the evening sun
illuminates the ripples
of the flowing sea


Indeed! You are blessed with such spectacular scenes.




Re: Magnificto Imago! Another invented word! LOL

thanks for the usually too good compliment...but tell me,
wick様 - not all that "invented", you sound to have some
familiarity with good latin, don't you?

Wowwww! And the haiku is good too.

wowwww...thanks! ;P

Yes, I agree...~P

Sunset,
remains unseen:
misty sky.

thanks, choshi様...I like that "unseen", but for
one maybe contrary reason: in my imagination
following your 3 lines, your sunset wasn't SEEN
not because of even such an evident mist (and so
MYSTIC, also!) but because it was more than all FELT.

Ahhh! Indeed, felt deeply....

So sad, how many people live in a "psychic mist" and never see the wonders of the dawn as they travel with their heads buried deeply in their newspapers....~P

I agree...and maybe it was only newspapers, choshi様!
I've lived in countries like the ones I'm going to mention,
and that you will immediately understand - and even having
seen by my own eyes some realities, even having splendid
friends in such areas, I do so often ask myself "but what
do they do for living, how do they earn the needed for
eating, making love, growing sons, loving their mates?"
every time I happen to see on some TV report thousands
people holding guns and running the streets - just there,
where the daily constant shining sun should only suggest
them "hey, breath deep, get warm, be alive!"...

a little remake

尽きるまで
秋夕焼けは
黄金着て

tsukiru made
aki yuuyake wa
kogane kite

Wonderful image you have !
I felt very fresh sence at your haiku.

[tsukiru] means burn out of sun set and means the end of life.

[kin ] is too hard and physical.
[kite]instead of [kiru] is more movable.
[kiru] is [to end the motion],[kite]is [and do something].

It's just my thought.つまらない考えです。気にしないでください。

sakuo

Re: a little remake

いいえ・・・むしろ、非常にどうも有り難うございました!
この野暮生徒は本当に怒らなかった、先生! 
お賛辞も、有難う。 こんな少し日本語は、
御世話に成りました・・・。
...and many thanks indeed for your precious
"sense" suggestions: I can't change the image
now, but I'm adding Your ku to my entry in a
visible line, as I usually do with corrections.
thanks again, and welcome once more!
かもめ

Re: a little remake

最後まで
秋の夕焼け
黄金着て

I change mind. I take your first line「saigo made]
Here is second version.

in Roma-ji

saigo made
aki no yuuyake
kogane kite

I think this is fresh , and good.

sakuo.

Re: a little remake

thank you once again, sakuo先生...well, I admit
that I too liked this 「最後まで・saigo made」:
as you said it sounds "fresh", athough maybe
childishly or too commonly said...but! :D
かもめ

Re: a little remake

「尽きるまで」is smart, but 「最後まで」is simple and common but strong.
I like the falling sun is resisting to fall down to horizon
that should be death line. [[ Till I die ]]

sakuo.

What a sunset! Haiku and image make a powerful statement.
Having read the thread I couldn't help to remember the ancient cosmogony underlying the "Little Redhood" fairy tale...

eh eh...who's gonna play the Wolf character here?... ;P

The Night!
Red Hood is a chtonic being from the underworld, or - she personifies the Sun. The whole story describes death\life cycle. Something like that I read long ago.